Work-life Balance, Yinyangmother

Yinyangmother.
Tagged with work-life balance.
I wear this pencil skirt I bought three years ago that was a bit too tight then, and now isn’t. I’m changed – not just by three years and less weight, but somehow essentially – not my core spirit, but that which flows from my essence (if that spiritual stuff makes sense)!
I can only think I’ve come around to feeling more content in life through change, which sounds a bit odd because we usually change when we’re not content, when we want things to be different. Or do we?
I’m at a job interview – and it’s my son’s first day of school. It’s my youngest child’s first day of school and I happen to have a job interview! Today!! The day will be remembered of course by his major milestone, not the outcome of any interview of mine. It’s at 1pm so I still get to drop him off and pick him up.
I don’t even know if I want the job.
Just over a year ago I thought I really wanted the job. I wore this red power jacket to the interview, which is 15 years old, if not dated, and has stood me in confidence (many times) before. I thought I was a shoe-in.
Today I pair a new halter-neck silk top (bought on sale for a steal) with my pencil skirt, favourite heels and my ‘new’ leaner arms and feel confident, and not just because I don’t care so much.
I care a lot about my little boy, on his first day of school, even though I know he’ll be ok, despite that look of trepidation. I care about my big girl, in her last year of primary now, who’ll be fine too, despite being embarrassed (read mortified) by her father as we walked past her class this morning.
It’s only an internal interview process, casual. The words flow – the words have always flown (sometimes they fly the coop). The passion is there and good answers too, if not always everything that could be said. I just want to demonstrate my passion and knowledge, regardless of the outcome (and maybe show off those ‘new’ leaner arms, just a little).
I just want to show I’m confident, content, deserving of the job whether I get it, whether I want it, or not.
I don’t get the job. It’s Friday afternoon and my boss calls me in – this time she has the sensitivity to ensure she tells me the news before the weekend.
I’m not surprised. She’d earmarked me to step sideways, into another job which is right up my alley and in which I know I’ll be a lot happier than I have been lately. It’s really an interesting and challenging role and I can keep my four-day week (including one day working from home).
It is not the step-up (which is actually just a step back to where I’ve been before) that the other ‘career’ job would have been, which would have meant full-time conditions and greater challenges.
I know it’s a decision that works for my boss, but is it the best thing for me? Probably.
Am I content? Probably.
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.
So sing the Carpenters in their 1971 classic. How poignant that Karen Carpenter sang so many sad songs before she lost her life to Anorexia Nervosa, aged just 32 (to think I’ve lived half her lifetime over again, how lucky am I!).
So it’s Monday and it’s raining!
I’m just a bit down (and a little lacking in confidence). Sometimes a sad song helps.
But hey I get to drop Little Yang into class because it’s my work from home day. I get to ease into the week without getting dressed for the office and juggle school/activity drop-offs and pick-ups with my firefighter hubby (who has a lot of time off available between shifts, and who happens to be on holidays right now, so we can really ease into the school year). How lucky am I!
I can mourn the fact that at my age I probably won’t have that corporate ‘career’ again, or I can be content that while I may have been penciled (pigeon-holed) as the ‘competent, experienced mum who works part time’ that I have probably been penciled in just right.
Contentment isn’t perfect. It’s better than perfect because perfect is pressure, frustration, disappointment, illusion.
We can change to chase perfection and find only our tails.
Or we can change from a place of contentment and discover how much we grow.
I’m changing, mostly through contentment and with a confidence that is slowly growing, just like Little Yang is stepping up and slowly growing into school.
Yep, I’m feeling contented for a change.
How content are you with your work-life balance? Do you agree you can only really change from a place of contentment?
Linking up with EssentiallyJess for IBOT.
PS – the sun came out! Sometimes it feels like I’m on top of the world (just in case you want to leave this post on a happy note, here are the Carpenters again).
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Mood swings (and see-saws)
When we think of mood swings we usually imagine crazy hormonal women, oscillating between normal and nice, and raving mad (I just look in the mirror).
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Let me count the ways.
Balance often feels elusive, yet there are so many ways we can find it, so many places it can be found if we are prepared to look. I’ve come up with this list – what would you add?
The balance between your expectations (of yourself) and the reality.
The balance between your expectations (of others) and the reality.
The balance between your dreams (of how things would be) and the reality.
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A balanced family.
How do you strike a balance between what everyone wants and dreams of in your family? Do your dreams and hopes conflict with or complement each other? Are compromises made out of love, duty or pressure? Is there are formula for family balance?
On the face of it, our family is very balanced. In yin yang terms, two of us are female, two male. Two adults, two kids. Brady bunch, minus four.
In the traditional Zodiac, the kids are both masculine star signs, hubby and I both feminine signs.
Miss Yin and I were both born in July, Little Yang and Mr Yang were both born in February. Miss Yin and Mr Yang have birthdates on the 24th of the month, while Little Yang’s birthdate was given as the 10 th and mine is the 11 th (due to circumstances we can’t be sure, and I just have this feeling he was born on the 11 th ).
My sign, Cancer, is a cardinal sign (dynamically changing), while the kids are both fixed signs (stable and grounded) and Mr Yang is mutable (adaptable). Which probably works out to overall balance.
Mr Yang and I are both water signs, the kids are air (Little Yang) and fire (Miss Yin) – oxygen fans the fire, and a double dose of water is need to put it out!
In Chinese astrology we are a Rat (Mr Yang), Monkey (me), Goat (Miss Yin) and Ox (LittleYang). I can vouch that Little Yang is most definitely an Ox!
And Mr Yang is supposed to be Yang Water while Little Yang is Yin Water. I’m supposed to be Yang Metal, while Miss Yin is Yin Fire. I really don’t know what this all means.
I don’t know how much sway I hold in astrology, whether traditional western or Chinese.
I do know that striking some kind of balance between what everyone wants can be hard.
Last weekend Mr Yang worked both days, which meant I had the kids on my own during the day. Miss Yin nagged me into letting her have a friend play and then sleep-over on the Saturday night (when she should really have had a quiet night), while Sunday was dominated by Miss Yin’s dance rehearsals, going back and forth between the studio from 8.30am – 2.30pm, dragging Little Yang in tow. Miss Yin’s needs were to the fore, everyone else taking a backseat.
As a fire fighter for the last 13 years, Mr Yang has had a great roster that gives him plenty of time off, and he devotes most of this time to the kids and family life. I’ve alternated along the way between one-two days a week of part-time consultancy work as the primary caregiver to full-time work and the crazy juggle. Fire fighters have great conditions, but not such great pay. I’ve always wanted to do some work, but I’ve always had to work. There are choices and compromises, solutions and sacrifices – such is life.
When we see elite athletes up on a podium or top performers up on stage, I often think of the parents who helped them get there and the sacrifices they (usually the Mums mostly) made over many years. The media will sometimes focus on these ‘unsung’ heroes who put their own needs behind those of their children or partner. I think it is just as important to celebrate the love and dedication of those who help make others’ achievements possible, as it is to celebrate those who achieve.
But while self-sacrifice and vicarious achievement are admirable, for most families it comes back to striking some kind of balance so everyone can feel a sense of purpose, follow passions and have some measure of freedom to achieve what they dream of, in between looking after each other.
This is much more than balancing hours between work and family life, more than trying to share parenting and household responsibilities, although dividing duties somewhat equitably is usually going to help.
I think it is about taking a long view – there will be times when one or more family member’s needs take precedence and it’s in the very nature of parenting to prioritise your children’s needs over your own.
But if things remain very unbalanced over long periods of time, if one person’s needs are always being sacrificed for the greater good, then ultimately the family itself will become imbalanced and dysfunctional.
A family whole will only ever be as strong as the sum of its parts and if one family member is weakened by consistently not having their needs met, then that strength is compromised.
Love to know how you keep balance in your family?
Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT.
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Bruised ego.
My ego is bruised, rather badly. But I’ll be OK because my soul is fine (apart from the scars it already has from our infertility journey, but they’ve just made me stronger – you know scar tissue can’t bleed anymore).
When we always feed our ego, we starve our soul. And you wouldn’t want your soul to go hungry.
I’m focusing on feeding my soul.
But my ego is hungry and bruised and what’s more I’m hung-over as I write, so I hope this makes sense (and I really need a big, greasy breakfast).
I missed out on a job that I deserved. My ego will assert itself, and rightly so. My soul is sighing with relief though I think. I won’t go into the details, but suffice it to say I think the universe is trying to wake me up. Shake me up. Put a rocket up my ass!
Starting with me acknowledging my ‘failure’ and my bruised ego.
I reckon this is one of those times when the universe doesn’t give you what you want, but gives you what you need.
But right now I’m angry – which is a much better response than feeling NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
I am good enough and it wouldn’t matter what job I had – we are all born ENOUGH and in simply striving to be better we are good enough.
You can never be defined by the roles you play – they will never be enough to capture who you are – ALL that you are. Even when it is a role that did I mention I deserved!
I will move through my anger, which is what you have to do (or it turns to resentment and eats you up inside). But I will keep that fire in my belly.
It’s OK to feed the ego enough to get you motivated (did I mention my you-tube channel has topped 32,000 views)!
I will focus on feeding my soul.
I processed my job news over the weekend, suspecting my lack of success (well it wasn’t my ‘lack’ but someone else’s ‘better’, apparently). But I had to wait until yesterday to have the ‘bad news’ confirmed, hence my heightened anger and my hangover this morning.
So right now the bruise on my ego is still big, purple-blue and ugly, and sore, along with my head. But the bruise will fade greenish-yellow until it has gone. I don’t think it’s common to die from bruising.
I think it is common to wallow for a while – once the anger fades I will allow myself that (we all should allow ourselves that much), but I won’t allow myself a pity party.
Especially not when my soul might just be celebrating.
I will say something though, in my anger, while it is still hot and hungry.
We women sacrifice so much in terms of career to have families, and for me, being robbed of my fertility also saw my career choices stolen from me and I shouldn’t have to, but still am, paying the price.
It isn’t really fair that some guy with ‘international experience’ should get the job, but still it happens.
I’m not perfect, but I am enough.
Separating ego from soul, exposing who you really are – that is the job of disappointment. I didn’t get the job, but I have been gifted disappointment.
I am grateful for the disappointment that is shining a light on my soul (although right now I’m still angry, bruised and really hungover).
We can use life’s disappointments and struggles to see our egos for what they are – they can only ever be external representations of who we really are – the show we put on for the world to see.
Our egos can be ‘judged’ not good enough, but our souls can never be.
If our egos don’t serve our souls, we should stop feeding them, or at least put them on a diet.
The diet starts tomorrow, once the hangover is gone, and the bruising starts to fade.
Will you join with me in feeding your soul?
(thanks to Essentially Jess for making me get up at 5am, hungover and bruised and still blog, because it’s Tuesday).
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